WowBB Forums Home 
Home Search search Menu menu Not logged in - Login | Register

 Moderated by: Ron, brodiescomics, beejmi Page:  First Page Previous Page  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  ...  Next Page Last Page  
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Bad Jokes  Rating:  Rating
AuthorPost
 Posted: Thu Feb 7th, 2008 10:47 am
  PM Quote Reply
31st Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 37574
Status: 
Offline
A man was in a long line at Walmart. As he got to the register he realized he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register.

She asked, 'What size condoms?'

The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, 'One box of large condoms, Register 5.'

The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill.

When he got up to the register, he told the checker that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the register for him.

She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did.

She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, 'One box of medium-sized condoms, Register 5.'

A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance.

When he got to the register he told the checker he needed some condoms.

She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.? She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze, then picked up the intercom and said...

 
 
 

"Cleanup, Register 5

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Fri Feb 8th, 2008 04:50 pm
  PM Quote Reply
32nd Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead enter an elevator. As they walk in they notice a small puddle of white liquid on the floor of the elevator.

The brunette bends down for a closer look, and states, very matter of factly, "...It looks like semen".

The redhead stoops down a little closer, takes a deep breath through her nose, and proclaims, "Yes, and it smells like semen".

The blonde stoops down yet closer, puts the tip of her finger into the puddle, touches it to her tongue and exclaims "Well, its nobody from our building!".



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Feb 12th, 2008 08:45 am
  PM Quote Reply
33rd Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline


A man walks into a hamburger joint and orders a regular meal.
While he is waiting for his meal, he orders a donut as an
appetizer.

Later, the waitress brings his meal to him. He takes a bite
out of it, and notices there's a small hair in the
hamburger. He begins yelling frantically at the waitress,
"Waitress, there's a hair in my hamburger! I demand to see
what is going on!"

So, the waitress takes him back where the cook is and to his
dismay, he sees the cook take the meat patty and flatten it
under his arm pit. He says, "That's disgusting!"

Then the waitress says, "You think that's disgusting you
should see him make donuts."

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed Feb 13th, 2008 10:07 am
  PM Quote Reply
34th Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
One day, little Johnny goes with his Mom and Dad to the zoo. Dad went to get some soda so Johnny asks his Mom, "What's that thing on the elephant?"

Johnny's mom says, "That's his trunk."

"No, in the back," says Johnny.

"That's his tail," mom replies.

"No, right there," says Johnny pointing at the animals penis.

"Oh, that's nothing," says Mom.

A little later he asks his Dad," What's that on the elephant?"

"That's his trunk," Dad replies.

"No, in the back."

"Oh, that's his tail," says Dad.

"No, right there," says Johnny.

"Oh, that's the elephant's penis," replies his Dad.

Johnny exclaims, "Well, Mom said that was nothing."

Johnny's Dad puts his arm around his son's shoulder and says, "Ya' know, son, I have that woman spoiled."



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Thu Feb 14th, 2008 08:35 am
  PM Quote Reply
35th Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
A guy found himself unable to satisfy his wife. He tried hundreds of methods but just wasn't able to do the job. He finally went to his best friend and asked for advice. His friend told him not to worry because he knew a method that was a 100 percent successful.

He says, "Hire a big strong black man to stands near your bed and waving a huge towel over both of you while you are having sex. This way your wife will be stimulated an have an orgasm."

The guy hired the strong man, but all efforts were in vain. He went back to his friend and told him what happened. So his friend suggested that they switch places.

"Why don't you wave the towel while the strong man does the job in bed," says the friend.

He agreed and said that he would do anything to satisfy his wife. He hires the same guy again and this time they trade positions. Naturally, the woman has a divine orgasm.

The husband leans over to the black guy and says, "You see! That's how you wave the towel."



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Feb 14th, 2008 08:53 am
  PM Quote Reply
36th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline
A tractor trailer driver lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty tollbooth on the Garden State Parkway and smashed it into hundreds of pieces.

While filling out the police and insurance reports for the damage he had caused, he noticed a crew of workers picking up each broken piece of the wrecked tollbooth and spreading some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together.

In less than twenty minutes, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

Amazed at what he had witnessed, he asked the police officer, "What was that white stuff those men used to assemble all those pieces together?"

The police officer smiled and said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sat Feb 16th, 2008 12:33 pm
  PM Quote Reply
37th Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
A young man walks into a bar and shouts, "Line up ten shots of whisky!"

The barman happily starts pouring the drinks and asks, "What's the occasion?"

The young man replies, "First blowjob!"

"Well, that is an occasion." the barman says, "Tell you what, number eleven is on me".

"No thanks," says the young man, "If the first ten don't get rid of the aftertaste, I don't think the eleventh will do much good."



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sat Feb 16th, 2008 01:58 pm
  PM Quote Reply
38th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline
A young man was in his final year at high school and he still had to share a room with his nine year old brother.
One day, he brings his girlfriend home for a little fun, but they have bunkbeds. His little brother was fast asleep in the bottom bunk, so they go up to the top bunk, and things start heating up.

So they don't wake him up, he tells her to say "Lettuce" if she wants it harder and "Tomato" if she wants a different position.

LETTUCE

TOMATO

LETTUCE

LETTUCE

LETTUCE

TOMATO!!

Two minutes later his little brother wakes up and says
"Will you guys stop making sandwiches up there? You just got mayonase all in my face!"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sat Feb 16th, 2008 03:35 pm
  PM Quote Reply
39th Post
CanadianHorseman



Joined: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia Canada
Posts: 14026
Status: 
Offline
20 years of bartending has given me oppurtunity to hear about a thousand " man walks into a bar " jokes so here are a couple of my favourites:

- a man walks into a bar and orders 10 shots of Jack Daniels. As soon as the bartender finishes pouring the shots the man downs them all quickly. Give me 10 more he says to the bartender. As the bartender finishes up pouring the shots he says to the guy: hey buddy - you better slow down a bit. The man says: screw that - you'd drink them quick too if you had what I have. He then proceeds to down the 10 shots of JD. The bartender gives him a sympathetic look and says: Gee bud - what do you have ???? The man replies: about 5 bucks.

 

- a man walks into a bar...............................and the dumb bastard nearly breaks his nose.

 

- a bartender is wiping down his bar one night. Suddenly he looks up and standing right in front of his bar he sees a farmer's daughter, a pair of siamese twins, a talking dog, a virgin, a priest and the President of the United States. He looks at them and asks: what is this - a joke ???? 

 

WARNING: If you are Jewish it might be best to skip over this one

Hitler and a friend walk into a bar and Hitler waves the bartender over. He says: give me 2 shots of your best cognac. Hell - pour yourself one too. So the bartender pours out 3 glasses and they all down the cognac. Hitler immediately orders another round of drinks. The bartender says to Hitler: I don't want to seem nosy but it looks like you're celebrating something tonight. Hitler smiles and says: you're right. Tomorrow I'm going to kill 10,000 Jews and 5 musicians. The bartender looks puzzled and says: 5 musicians ??? Why the hell are you going to kill 5 musicians ???  Hitler then turns to his friend and says: see - nobody cares about the Jews.



____________________
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2008 10:10 am
  PM Quote Reply
40th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline











Home \ Jokes \ Hercules, Snow White & Quasimodo


Hercules, Snow White & Quasimodo were all having lunch together.

Hercules said, "I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in the world, but how can i be sure?"

Snow White agreed, "I'm told I'm the fairest of them all, but sometimes I wonder."

Quasimodo said, "I'm pretty sure I'm the ugliest human alive but I've never had it confirmed."

They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to pray about it that night & ask God to confirm for them whether Hercules was the strongest, Snow White was the fairest & Quasimodo was the ugliest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings.

The next day Hercules walked up with a smile.
"Well, it's true. God told me that I am the strongest man in the world."

Snow White perked up & said, "And I now know for sure that I'm the fairest, for God confirmed it."

But Quasimodo lifted his sad face & said. "Who is Janet Reno ?"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2008 10:30 am
  PM Quote Reply
41st Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
Three guys are driving down the road and they get pulled over by the police.

The cops walks up to them and tells them that they were speeding but he said he would let them go if they had 21 inches of dick between all three of them.

So the first guy pulls down his pants and his dick is 10 inches long, the second guy pulls his pants down and his dick is 10 inches long, the third pulls his dick out and it's 1 inch long. So the cop lets them go.

As they' driving down the road again the first guy says to the others, "you guys are lucky I had 10 inches of dick"

The second guy says to the other two "you're lucky I had 10 inches of dick too."

The third guy says to the other two "you guys are lucky I had a hard on".



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Mon Feb 18th, 2008 11:20 am
  PM Quote Reply
42nd Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline
An airplane develops some serious problems and is definitely going to crash into the sea.

As it becomes evident to all on board, a woman at the back of the plane rushes forward, stands before all of the passengers and yells, "I have not even yet been able to live and become a woman." She then removes all of her clothes and asks, "Is there a man here who can make me feel like a woman before I die?"

A few rows back, a man stands up and removes his shirt, and says, "Sure. Can you iron this?"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed Feb 20th, 2008 11:07 am
  PM Quote Reply
43rd Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
A woman asks her husband if she can golf with him. He says that he doesn't have the time to struggle around the course with her. But he does arrange for her to take some lessons, and agrees that they will golf together after she takes those lessons.

So the wife goes for her first private lesson with the club pro. It's a horrendous time. She can't hit the ball at all. She duffs one, misses another altogther. She slices and she hooks. The pro is at the end of his patience. Frustrated he tries one last very unorthodox instruction. He says, "Hold the club like you would your husband's penis. And then take the swing."

So she does. And she swings. And she hits it 250 yards straight down the middle of the fairway. "Absolutely perfect," says the instructor, astonished. "Now this time try taking the club out of your mouth."



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 09:45 am
  PM Quote Reply
44th Post
bpickering
Hall Of Famer


Joined: Tue Nov 13th, 2007
Location: Highspire, USA
Posts: 16156
Status: 
Offline
This guy walks into a sperm bank with a mask covering his face, and walks up the lady, shows her a gun and tells her to go open the vault.

She says, "but sir, this is not a real bank, it's a sperm bank."

He demands she opens the vault, and she does. He then demands that she drinks 2 vials of sperm.

She says, "there aint no way i'm drinking that."

So he shows her the gun again.

She decides to drink the sperm, and right after she does the man takes off his mask and it's her husband and he says "see, I told you it wouldn't kill ya."....



____________________
"22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX

PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated December 10 2017)

RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016
Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Fri Feb 22nd, 2008 04:37 pm
  PM Quote Reply
45th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New Capital For Suplex City
Posts: 40646
Status: 
Offline
One day a twelve-year-old walks into a house of ill repute dragging a dead frog on a string behind him. He slaps a hundred dollar bill on the counter and says, "I want one of your women." The madam looks at him and says "Don't you think you're a bit young for that?" He slaps another hundred on the counter and says "I want one of your women."

The madam says "Okay, have a seat, she'll be down in about thirty minutes." He slaps another hundred on the counter and says "She has to have active herpes." The madam starts to sputter and ask why, but he slaps another hundred on the counter and says "active herpes." She responds, "Okay, have a seat - it'll be about five minutes."

Two minutes later, a woman comes out, they go upstairs (dragging this dead frog) and do their deal...

As he's leaving, the madam asks him "Okay, why did you want someone with active herpes?" The twelve year old replies..."When I get home, I'm going to sleep with the baby-sitter, and when mom and dad get home, dad will take the baby-sitter to her home and sleep with her on the way. Then, when he gets back, he and mom are going to go upstairs and do it. And tomorrow morning, after dad goes to work, the milkman will come in and mom will sleep with him, and he's the bastard that ran over my frog."

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

Current time is 09:43 pm Page:  First Page Previous Page  1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  ...  Next Page Last Page    
WowBB Forums > Sports And Wrestling > General Discussion > Bad Jokes Top




UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2013 Data 1 Systems