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Bad Jokes  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Sat Dec 26th, 2015 12:19 am
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1021st Post
beejmi
THE BIG KAHUNA


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Might be in here somewhere already. Oldie but goodie.

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride,Virginia, Luigi stopped in his New York neighborhood barbershop to sayhello to his friends.


Giovanni said, "Hey, Luigi, How was a da treep?"Luigi said, "Everything was a perfect except for da train a ridedown."What'a you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni."Well, we boarda da train at Grand Centrala Station. My beautifulVirginia had packed a biga basket a food with vino and cigars for a me,and a we were looking a "forward to da trip.All was OK until we gotta hungry and opened up a da luncha- basket. Theconductor came by, wagged his a finger at us and a say, "no eat indese'a car. Musta use a dining car.


" So, me and my beautiful'a Virginia,we go to dining car, eat a biga lunch and begin to open a bottle ofvino! Conductor walk by me again, wag his afinger and say, "No drink'a in dese'a car.Must'a use 'a club' a car, sowe go to club'a car.


While'a drinking vino, I start to light'a my big'a cigar. Theconductor, he wag'a his finger again and say, "No smoke'a in dese'a car.Must'a go to smoker car." 

We go to smoker car and I smoke'a my cigar.Later, my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to sleeper car and'a go tobed.We just about to have'a sex and the conductor, he walk'a through carcorridor shouting at top of his voice,"NO'FOLK'A, VIRGINIIA !NO'FOLK'A VIRGINIA !

"Nexxa time, Imadriva down

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 Posted: Sun Dec 27th, 2015 10:29 am
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1022nd Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
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Bill Gates:"One day I farted in an apple store & eveeryone was pissed. It's not my fault they don't have windows."

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 Posted: Sun Dec 27th, 2015 11:22 am
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1023rd Post
lobo316



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A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his 50th birthday, so during this party he grabs the microphone and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. ‘I will give anything they desire of mine, to the man who swims across that pool.’

So the party continues with no events in the pool, until suddenly, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened.

In the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, tired and soaked.

The millionaire grabs the microphone and says, ‘I am a man of my word, anything of mine I will give, my cars, my home, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?’ the millionaire asks.

The guy grabs the microphone and says, ‘Why don’t we start with the name of the bastard that pushed me in!’

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 Posted: Sun Jan 3rd, 2016 01:03 pm
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1024th Post
lobo316



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A dentist married a manicurist. They fought tooth & nail.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 10th, 2016 11:29 am
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1025th Post
lobo316



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A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 10th, 2016 11:42 am
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1026th Post
lobo316



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A man lost his left arm & left leg in a horrible car accident. He's all right now.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 10th, 2016 12:04 pm
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1027th Post
CanadianHorseman



Joined: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

This reminds me of an old joke I heard years ago.



Girl 1: So how's your love life going ????

Girl 2: Fantastic - I've been seeing this great guy now for 6 months.

Girl 1: That's wonderful.

Girl 2: I know - he has a great job, owns his own house and treats me like a Queen. But the one bad thing is that he likes having pretty weird sex.

Girl 1: What do you mean by " weird " ????

Girl 2: Well he likes to fuck me in my ear.

Girl 1: In your ear !!!!!! That is really messed up.

Girl 2: Yeah I know but I only let him fuck me in my left ear.

Girl 1: Why's that ????

Girl 2: Because I'm saving the other one for Mr. Right.




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 Posted: Sun Jan 17th, 2016 12:51 pm
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1028th Post
lobo316



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My penis was in the Guiness Book Of World Records...............until I got kicked out of the library.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 24th, 2016 10:34 am
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1029th Post
lobo316



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A man goes to the doctor for his annual check-up, and the doctor tells him, "You need to stop masturbating."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor replies, "Because I'm trying to examine you"

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 Posted: Sun Jan 24th, 2016 10:35 am
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1030th Post
lobo316



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Three nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man comes up and exposes himself to them.
Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 24th, 2016 10:36 am
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1031st Post
lobo316



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A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch.
He picks it up and throws it across the street.
A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was *that* all about?"


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 Posted: Sun Jan 24th, 2016 10:40 am
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1032nd Post
lobo316



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Helen Keller walks into a bar...
then a chair, then the wall........

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 Posted: Sun Jan 31st, 2016 10:29 am
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1033rd Post
lobo316



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A couple of blonde men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the blonde men walked in the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.”

The clerk said, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?”

The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned a minute later and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-fours.”

“Alright. How long do you need them?”

The customer paused for a minute and said, “I’d better go check.” After awhile, the customer returned to the office and said, “A long time. We’re gonna build a house.”

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 Posted: Tue Feb 2nd, 2016 08:11 pm
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1034th Post
KGB

 

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lobo316 wrote: A man opens his door and finds a snail on his front porch.
He picks it up and throws it across the street.
A year later the man opens his door and finds the same snail on his front porch.
The snail looks up and says, "What the fuck was *that* all about?"



I chuckled



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 Posted: Tue Feb 2nd, 2016 08:49 pm
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1035th Post
chrob61



Joined: Thu Nov 18th, 2010
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A man goes to the chiropractor's office, the receptionist asks...."When was your last appointment?"

The man says "about a week back"

"What was it for?" asked the receptionist

"about a weak back"

bada bing!!!

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