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Bad Jokes  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Tue Feb 2nd, 2016 08:52 pm
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1036th Post
chrob61



Joined: Thu Nov 18th, 2010
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Same vibe as above

only in a dentist's office

A man comes in to the dentist's office writhing in pain....

The receptionists asks- when is your appointment?

The man manages a weak...."2:30"

"What is it for?" asked the receptionist

"Tooth hurty" replied the gentleman

"No...what is it for?" asked the receptionist again

bada bing!!

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 Posted: Sun Feb 14th, 2016 12:41 pm
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1037th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
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Johnny was playing outside when he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, “Whats that?” She says, “Well, it's a beaver, Johnny.”
The next day the same thing happens, only his mom is taking the shower. He says, “Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's beaver is dead because it's tongue is hanging out.”

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 Posted: Sun Feb 21st, 2016 11:49 am
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1038th Post
lobo316



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A man named Jed went hunting near the border of Alabama and Georgia. When he was going back to his truck, a game warden came up to him and asked him what he had in the sack. "Three rabbits," Jed said. The warden said, "Let me see one of those rabbits." So Jed pulled out one of the rabbits. The warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's butthole, pulled it out, smelled it and said, "This is a Georgia rabbit." Then the warden said, "Let me see your Georgia huntin' license." So Jed showed him. Then the warden said, "Let me see another one of those rabbits." So Jed pulled out another rabbit. Then the warden stuck his finger in the rabbit's bunghole, tasted it and said, "This is a Alamba rabbit. Let me see your Alamba huntin' license." So Jed showed them to him. Then the Warden said, "Where you from boy?" So Jed pulled his pants down and said, "You figure it out!"

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 Posted: Sun Feb 28th, 2016 11:44 am
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1039th Post
lobo316



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Bob walks into a public bathroom and notices a guy with no arms standing next to a urinal. As Bob takes care of his business, he wonders how the poor soul is going to take a leak. Bob finishes and heads for the door, but figures he should ask the man if he needs help. "Oh yes please!?" the man cries. "You have a kind heart, sir," says the man with no arms. But as Bob goes ahead, unzips the man, and pulls his willy out, he encounters all kinds of mold, red bumps, moles, scabs, scars, and other unpleasant-looking things. The armless man asks Bob to kindly point it... then shake it, put it back and zip it. So Bob, gathers his courage, shuts his eyes and does so. "Thank you very much, sir!" says the armless man. "No problem," says Bob "but what the hell is wrong with your penis?" The guy pulls pulls his arms out of his shirt and says "I don't know, but I ain't touching it!"

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 Posted: Sun Mar 6th, 2016 12:25 pm
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1040th Post
lobo316



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A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and quickly dismounts, worried about what her son has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him. The son sees his mom and asks, "What were you and Dad doing?" The mother replies, "Well you know your dad has a big tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it to help flatten it." "You're wasting your time," said the boy. "Why is that?" asked his mom, puzzled. "Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up."

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 Posted: Sun Mar 13th, 2016 12:10 pm
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1041st Post
lobo316



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One day two deaf-mutes meet on the street. They had been friends in school but had lost touch over time. They used sign language to catch up on old times. Through the course of conversation one of the deaf-mutes learned the other had learned to speak and was no longer mute. This amazed the fellow that was still mute and he asked about the procedure. His friend gave him the doctor's card and went on his way. The deaf mute wasted no time and went straight to the doctor's office. The doctor informed the procedure took 26 days and cost one million dollars. The man handed the doc his insurance card and begged the doctor to start the treatment that day. The doctor had the man strip and lay over the examination table. The doctor went to his closet and took out a bucket of mayonnaise and a broom handle with a door knob on the end. The doc got a running start and shoved the mayonaise covered door knob up the deaf-mute's ass. The mute screamed,"AY!AY!AY!" The doctor said,"very good we will work on the B's tomorrow."

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 Posted: Sun Mar 20th, 2016 11:56 am
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1042nd Post
lobo316



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Failed my biology test today: They asked, "What is commonly found in cells?" Apparently "black people" wasn't the correct answer.

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 Posted: Sun Mar 20th, 2016 05:57 pm
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1043rd Post
katook



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Racist motherfucker!!
Sad thing is, I laughed like Hell at that.



____________________
since there doesn't seem to be a way to be vocal about being an Atheist without coming across as a condescending cock opening about it, you might as well go all the way with it.--Sek69
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 Posted: Sun Mar 27th, 2016 12:28 pm
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1044th Post
lobo316



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A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. You know what?” “What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth. ”I think you’re bad luck.”

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 Posted: Sun Apr 10th, 2016 12:31 pm
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1045th Post
lobo316



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On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant, obviously knows nothing about golf, greets him ina typical Irish manner completely unaware of who the golfing pro is. “Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir” says the attendant. Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle. As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground. “What are those?, asks the attendant. “They’re called tees” replies Tiger. “Well, what on the god’s earth are dey for?” inquires the Irishman. “They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving”, says Tiger. “Fookin Jaysus”, says the Irishman, “BMW thinks of everything!”

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 Posted: Sun Apr 17th, 2016 10:45 am
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1046th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
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A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face. His best man asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The groom replies, "I just had the best blow job I have ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful woman who gave it to me." The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile on her face. Her maid of honor asks, "Why do you look so excited?" The bride replies, "I just gave the last blow job of my entire life."

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 Posted: Sun Apr 24th, 2016 12:03 pm
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1047th Post
lobo316



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This guy dies and his wife gets him cremated. She takes the ashes home and lays them out on the table and starts talking to them.
"You know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money. You know the new car you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money."
Then she whispers, "You know that blow job I promised you? Well, here it comes..."

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 Posted: Thu Apr 28th, 2016 03:55 am
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1048th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
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inspired by the Nude Restaurant thread





Bob joins a very exclusive nudist colony. On his first day a gorgeous petite blonde walks by him and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him grinning sweetly and says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" She says: "You must be new here; let me explain. It's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it implies you called for me." Smiling, she then leads him to the side of the pool, lays down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her. Bob continues exploring the facilities. He enters a sauna, sits down, and farts. Within a few moments a huge, horribly corpulent, hairy man with a firm erection lumbers out of the steam towards him. The Huge Man says: "Sir, did you call for me?" Bob replies "No, what do you mean?" "You must be new here, it is a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The huge man then easily spins Bob around, bends him over the bench and has his way with him. Bob rushes back to the colony office. He is greeted by the smiling naked receptionist: "May I help you?" Bob says: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500 joining fee." "But Sir, you've only been here a couple of hours; you only saw a small fraction of our facilities..." Bob replies: "Listen lady, I am 58 years old, I get a hard-on about once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks!"

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 Posted: Sun May 1st, 2016 12:35 pm
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1049th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
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There were these two guys working late in a morgue, when one guy said, “Hey man there is a woman in there with a shrimp in her vagina!” The other asked, “What is a shrimp doing a dead woman's vagina? Let me go see.” Both of them went in the room with the woman, and they both curiosly looked. Finally, the second man said, “You idiot, this ain't no shrimp it's a clitoris.” And the other man replied, “Well, it tasted like shrimp to me.”

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 Posted: Sun May 8th, 2016 12:06 pm
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1050th Post
lobo316



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A sadist, a masochist, a murderer, a necrophile, a zoophile and a pyromaniac are all sitting on a bench in a mental institution.
 "Let's have sex with a cat?" asked the zoophile.
 "Let's have sex with the cat and then torture it," says the sadist.
 "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it and then kill it," shouted the murderer.
 "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it and then have sex with it again," said the necrophile.
 "Let's have sex with the cat, torture it, kill it, have sex with it again and then burn it," said the pyromaniac.
 There was silence, and then the masochist said: "Meow."

Last edited on Sun May 8th, 2016 12:08 pm by lobo316

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