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Bad Jokes  Rating:  Rating
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 Posted: Sun May 15th, 2016 12:43 pm
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1051st Post
lobo316



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What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common?

Their last big hit was The Wall.

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 Posted: Sun May 15th, 2016 12:46 pm
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lobo316



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A Georgian man sits in the dock at the court, with his neck bended down. The judge: "Why did you rape the girl?" "I liked her." "Why did you raped the boy?" "I liked him." "Sir, why don't you look to my eyes when you talk to me?" "I'm afraid I'll like you…"

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 Posted: Sun May 22nd, 2016 11:56 am
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lobo316



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A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

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 Posted: Sun May 22nd, 2016 11:57 am
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lobo316



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A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby. The lady notices the man coming and says: "Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me." "Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it" replies the man. "No way, you're disgusting, go away." The homeless man turns and starts walking away. The lady thinks: "Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won't you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?" The homeless man thinks: "I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm."

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 Posted: Sun May 29th, 2016 11:41 am
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lobo316



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A guy wasn’t feeling well and went to the doctor for a check up. He did the tests and waited. After a while, the doctor came in with the results. "Unfortunately, I have very bad news! You’re seriously ill! You have really not much time to live.." "Doctor..! How much time do I have..?" 
"Ten..." 
"Ten what? Months? Years? What?!" 
"Nine...Eight...Seven..."

Last edited on Sun May 29th, 2016 02:31 pm by lobo316

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 Posted: Sun May 29th, 2016 11:58 am
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lobo316



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What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?

The dashboard.

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 Posted: Sun May 29th, 2016 02:23 pm
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Benlen



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lobo316 wrote: What's the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?

The dashboard.
Hahahah 



____________________
Only thing harder than achieving excellence is maintaining it.
Dream Well. It may come true.

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 Posted: Mon May 30th, 2016 07:22 pm
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BlueThunder



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lobo316 wrote: A black Jewish boy runs home from school one day and asks his father, “Daddy, am I more Jewish or more black?” The dad replies, “Why do you want to know, son?” “Because a kid at school is selling a bike for $50 and I want to know if I should talk him down to $40 or just steal it!”

This one took the cake!

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 Posted: Mon May 30th, 2016 08:28 pm
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BlueThunder



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Okay, my turn

One day, two gay lovers, Biff and Skip, are walking along the beech. Biff sees a bottle and picks it up. A genie popped out of the bottle and told Biff that he only has one wish and he should use it wisely.


Later that evening, Biff and Skip are having a romantic dinner. They decide to retire to the bedroom where they start getting hot and heavy.



Biff and Skip are interrupted when they hear their door kicked in. To their shock, they notice three KKK members in their house. The KKK drag Skip out of the house and to the nearest tree. They wrap a noose around Skip's neck. Skip is now pleading with Biff to use the one wish. Biff told Skip that he did. He wished that Skip was hung like a black man.

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 Posted: Sun Jun 5th, 2016 11:46 am
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lobo316



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There was an airplane full of a shipment of Pepsi flying somewhere over Africa. It suddenly had a malfunction, and went down somewhere. A few weeks later, PepsiCo sent a rescue plane out to look for the lost plane. They found the wreckage, but were unable to locate the crew. They searched the area and found a tribe of cannibals. They walked up to the Chief of the tribe and asked him if he knew anything about the crash.

The Chief goes, "Yeah." When asked where the crew was, the Chief replied, "We ate the crew, and we drank the Pepsi." The Rescue crew was shocked.

One man asked, "Did you eat their legs?"

The chief replied, "We ate their legs, and we drank the Pepsi"

Another rescuer asked, "Did you eat their arms?"

The Chief said, "We ate their arms, and we drank the Pepsi."

After looking totally perplexed for a minute, a third asked, "Did you..you know...eat their........... ..'things'? "

The chief says, "No."

"No?" asked the rescuers.

"No," replied the Chief, "THINGS go better with Coke"

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 Posted: Sun Jun 5th, 2016 11:47 am
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lobo316



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See there is this fish in the water, and he is looking at a fly hovering over the water. "If that fly would just drop six inches, I could jump out and grab it!"

There is this bear on the bank of the lake, and he is saying "If that fly would drop six inches, the fish would jump out to get it and I could grab the fish!!"

There is a hunter in the forest, taking aim at the bear. He says "If that fly would drop six inches, then the fish would jump out and the bear would reach for the fish and come into the clear, and then I could shoot it!!!"

There is a mouse, hidden behind the hunter. He is looking at the hunter's cheese sandwich. He says, "If that fly would drop six inches, the fish would go for the fly, the bear would go for the fish, the hunter would put down his cheese sandwich and go to shoot the bear and I could grab that cheese sandwich!!!!"

There is a cat standing further back from the mouse. She is saying, "If that fly would drop six inches, then the fish would jump for the fly, the bear would go for the fish, the hunter would put down his cheese sandwich to shoot the bear, the mouse would run for the sandwich, and I could grab that mouse in a second!!!!!"

Then it happened.

The fly dropped six inches.
The fish jumped up and got the fly!
The bear reached out to grab the fish!!
The hunter put his cheese sandwich down and shot the bear!!! The mouse ran and picked up the sandwich!!!!
The cat lunged for the mouse, missed, and then ended up in the water!!!!!
What is the moral of the story boys ?

****EVERY TIME A FLY DROPS SIX INCHES A PUSSY GETS WET!!!****

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 Posted: Sun Jun 12th, 2016 12:02 pm
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lobo316



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A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!" The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends."

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 Posted: Sun Jun 19th, 2016 11:36 am
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lobo316



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One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and during her questions about his life she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the trunk of a tree." Horrified, she said, "Tarzan, you have it all wrong. I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, laid down on the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick, right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Checking for bees!" said Tarzan.

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 Posted: Wed Jun 22nd, 2016 06:09 pm
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Arnold_OldSchool

 

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 Posted: Wed Jun 22nd, 2016 06:12 pm
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beejmi
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What's the difference between a rooster and prostitute?

The rooster says 'cock a doodle do' and the prostitute says 'any cock will do'

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