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 Posted: Sun Nov 13th, 2016 08:54 am
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1096th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!

Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.

Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

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 Posted: Sun Nov 20th, 2016 09:14 am
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1097th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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Little johnny runs into his mother and says "mummy can you show me a magic trick"
His mother replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your father"
so little johnny runs to his father and says "Daddy daddy can you show me a magic trick?"
His father replies "sorry johnny i don't know any magic tricks go ask your grandfather"
So little johnny runs to his grandfathers and said "granddad granddad can you show me a magic trick?"
His grandfather replies sure johnny turn around and pull your pants down, now can you feel me thumb up your ****?"
"Yes i can" johnny replied.

"Look no hands."

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 Posted: Sun Nov 27th, 2016 08:42 am
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1098th Post
lobo316
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Doc, I can’t stop singing the ‘Green Green Grass of Home’. He said: ‘That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome’.
‘Is it common?’ I asked.
‘It’s not unusual’ he replied.

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 Posted: Sun Nov 27th, 2016 08:49 am
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1099th Post
lobo316
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A teacher ask a student,"If there are 5 birds on a fence and I shoot 1, how many will be left?"


"None, because the rest will fly away," the kid replies.
the teacher replies, " I like the way you are thinking but there will be 4 birds left."


The student then asks, "there are 3 ladies with ice cream cones, 1 is licking it, 1 is biting it and the other lady is sucking it. so which one is married?"


The teacher nervously replies,"the one sucking it"
The kid replies,"No the one wearing a wedding ring on her finger but I like the way you are thinking!"

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 Posted: Fri Dec 16th, 2016 12:46 am
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1100th Post
beejmi
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It was so cold today that I saw two politicians standing outside and they had their hands in their own pockets!

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 Posted: Sat Dec 17th, 2016 09:09 am
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1101st Post
Mysterious



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Two Jews meet in a New York subway.

A Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader. "Moshe, have you lost your mind? Why are you reading an Arab newspaper?"

Moshe replied, "I used to read the Jewish newspaper, but what did I find? Jews being persecuted, Israel being attacked, Jews disappearing through assimilation and intermarriage, Jews living in poverty. So I switched to the Arab newspaper. Now what do I find? Jews own all the banks, Jews control the media, Jews are all rich and powerful, Jews rule the world. The news is so much better!"

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 Posted: Sun Dec 25th, 2016 09:34 am
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1102nd Post
lobo316
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A girl asks her friend about how her weekend was: "Oh I ended up having sex..." "What was it like?" "A bit like the Olympics 100m final." "What - finished in under ten seconds?" "No - ten black guys and a gun.

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 Posted: Sun Dec 25th, 2016 09:35 am
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1103rd Post
lobo316
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A doctor had just finished a marathon sex session with one of his patients. He was resting afterwards and was feeling a bit guilty because he thought it wasn't really ethical to be fucking one of his patients.
However, a little voice in his head said, "Lots of doctors have sex with their patients, so it's not like you're the first..."
This made the doctor feel a bit better until still another voice in his head said, "But then again, they probably weren't veterinarians..."

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 Posted: Sun Dec 25th, 2016 01:09 pm
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1104th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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A traveling salesman stays overnight with a farm family. When the family gathers to eat there’s a pig seated at the table. And the pig has three medals hanging around his neck and a peg leg. The salesman says, “Um, I see you have a pig having dinner with you.”

“Yes,” says the farmer. “That’s because he’s a very special pig. You see those medals around his neck? Well, the first medal is from when our youngest son fell in the pond, and he was drowning, and that pig swam out and saved his life. The second medal, that’s from when the barn caught fire and our little daughter was trapped in there and the pig ran inside, carried her out and saved her life. And the third medal, that’s from when our oldest boy was cornered in the stock yard by a mean bull, and that pig ran under the fence and bit the bull on the tail and saved the boy’s life.”

“Yes,” says the salesman, “I can see why you let that pig sit right at the table and have dinner with you. And I can see why you awarded him the medals. But how did he get the peg leg?”

“Well,” says, the farmer, “a pig like that...you don’t eat him all at once.”

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 Posted: Sun Jan 1st, 2017 01:19 pm
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1105th Post
lobo316
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Why is it so hard to break up with your Japanese girlfriend?

You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the message.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 8th, 2017 11:30 am
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1106th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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Older man is working as a door greeter at a WalMart, a huge, ugly, crabby middle aged woman storms in while screaming at two children, one being about 6 with red hair and the other about 10 with dark hair and a dark complexion. The old man asks the woman "Are they twins?" She stops screaming at the kids and tells the old man, "Are you fucking blind, they look nothing alike!" The old man starts laughing and the woman demands to know why, he replies "They must be twins, there is no way you've been fucked twice."

Last edited on Sun Jan 8th, 2017 11:31 am by lobo316

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 Posted: Sun Jan 8th, 2017 01:18 pm
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1107th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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What's the worst part about being a black Jew?
Having to sit in the back of the oven.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 8th, 2017 01:21 pm
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1108th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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What's the best thing about an Ethiopian blowjob?
You KNOW she'll swallow.

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 Posted: Sun Jan 15th, 2017 03:40 pm
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1109th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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A young mum had just stepped naked from the bathroom at the precise moment her young boy came out of his room ...Seeing her pubic hair, he points and asks, "What's that Mummy?" ...Embarrassed and lost for words she mumbles...."oh, that's my sponge son"Unperturbed the little boy just says..."oh ok", and disappears back to play in his room.A few days later his Mum, having shaved off all her pubic hair, stepped naked from the bathroom once again, at that exact moment her son appeared in front of her ..."Where's your sponge gone Mummy?", he asked ...Even more embarrassed his Mum said "errrrm, I lost it"Still completely unperturbed, the little boy just said, "ok" and returned to play in his room.A few hours later Mum was preparing the dinner in the kitchen, when her little boy came running in shouting "Mummy, Mummy I have found your sponge for you" "You have", said his Mum incredulously."Yes Mummy, Mrs Jones has it next door ....and she is washing Daddy's face with it!!!"

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 Posted: Sun Jan 15th, 2017 08:46 pm
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1110th Post
Mysterious



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I once called my boss to ask him what's the difference between work and your daughter. When he answered he didn't know. I replied I won't be coming into work this morning.

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