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 Posted: Sun Jan 22nd, 2017 11:26 am
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1111th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned and went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"

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 Posted: Sun Jan 29th, 2017 09:32 am
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1112th Post
lobo316
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FRED: Did I ever tell you about the time I came

face to face with a very fierce gorilla?

BERT: No, what
happened?

FRED: Well, I stood there, without a gun . . . The gorilla
looked at me
and snarled and roared and beat his chest. Then it came
closer and
closer . . .

BERT: What did you do?

FRED:
Oh, I'd had enough, so I moved on to the next cage.

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 Posted: Sun Feb 12th, 2017 09:01 am
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1113th Post
lobo316
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Three nuns are sitting on a park bench.
A man comes up and exposes himself to them.
Two of them have a stroke. But the third one couldn't reach.

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 Posted: Sat Mar 11th, 2017 03:24 am
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1114th Post
beejmi
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...

Attachment: New Car.jpg (Downloaded 97 times)

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 Posted: Sat Mar 11th, 2017 03:27 am
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1115th Post
beejmi
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...

Attachment: Choking Hazard.jpg (Downloaded 97 times)

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 Posted: Sun Mar 12th, 2017 07:00 am
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1116th Post
lobo316
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She was standing in the kitchen, preparing to boil eggs for breakfast, wearing only the t-shirt that she normally slept in.As I walked in almost awake, she turned and said softly, 'You've got to make love to me this very moment.'My eyes lit up and I thought, 'I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day.'Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all ... right there on the kitchen table.Afterwards she said, 'Thanks,' and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.A little puzzled, I asked, 'What was that all about?'She explained, 'The egg timer's broken.'

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 Posted: Sun Mar 19th, 2017 07:42 am
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1117th Post
lobo316
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A pregnant woman carrying twins was in a car accident that put her into a coma. Unfortunately, the trauma forced the doctors to perform an emergency procedure to save the woman's unborn children. When the woman awoke, the doctor greeted her. 

Woman: My baby! Where am I?! 
Doctor: Ma'am, please calm down, you are safe and your babies are here. You're brother is here and he has given the children names. 

Woman: My brother! He's an idiot. What did he name them? 
Doctor: He named the girl Denise. 
Woman: Oh that's kind of pretty, what did he name the boy? 
Doctor: Denephew.

Last edited on Sun Mar 19th, 2017 07:43 am by lobo316

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 Posted: Sun Mar 26th, 2017 07:37 am
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1118th Post
lobo316
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What's the difference between people from Dubai and people from Abu Dhabi?
People from Dubai don't like the Flintstones and people from Abu Dhabi do !

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 Posted: Mon Mar 27th, 2017 10:46 pm
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beejmi
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Attachment: Clown.jpg (Downloaded 71 times)

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 Posted: Sat Apr 1st, 2017 10:55 am
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1120th Post
Heenan Fan



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Courtesy of KM, this joke is all over the place right now! Possibly because of Mania weekend.


In the mid-1990's, Mr. McMahon calls Pat Patterson into his office and says, "Pat, we're making some cutbacks, so either Steve (Lombardi) or Jack (Lanza) will have to be laid off."

"Well," says Pat, "Steve is probably my best agent, but Jack has a wife and kids. I don't know who to fire."

The next morning, Pat waits for both to arrive. Steve is the first to come in. Pat says, "Steve, I've got a problem. I've got to lay you or Jack off-and I don't know what to do."

Steve replies, "You'd better jack off. I've got a headache."



____________________
"Pro wrestlers are like comedians...all the good ones are dead!" - Heenan Fan 2019
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 Posted: Thu Apr 13th, 2017 03:59 am
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1121st Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


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 Posted: Sat Apr 22nd, 2017 02:37 am
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1122nd Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.

After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Last edited on Sat Apr 22nd, 2017 02:37 am by lobo316

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 Posted: Sun Apr 30th, 2017 07:45 am
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1123rd Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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Little Johnny wakes up one night hearing strange noises from his parent's bedroom. He opens the door to his parents room and sees mom, handcuffed to the bed's headboard, dad ramming her from behind. Johnny screams. Dad turns to looks at him, laughs and gives mom a slap on the bum for good measure. Johnny runs away, screaming. Once dad has finished mom off, he uncuffs her. She immediately says, 'You better go tell Johnny everything is OK, the shit he just saw could scar him for life".



Dad rolls his eyes and begrudgingly agrees. Pulls on his robe and heads for Johnny's room only to find it's empty. He then heads for the TV room but when he passes the guest room, he notices the door is ajar, noises coming from inside. He opens the door to look in and sees Granny on her hands and knees, little Johnny fucking her from behind.

Dad screams.


Johnny turns around looks at him and says "Yeah, not so funny when it's your mom huh?"

Last edited on Sun Apr 30th, 2017 07:46 am by lobo316

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 Posted: Sun May 14th, 2017 08:00 am
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1124th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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A young man is wandering and lost in a forest when he comes upon a small house. Knocking on the door, he is greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long gray beard. "I'm lost," said the young man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "OK," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old, and entered the house.

During dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic body. She was obviously attracted to the young man as she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. During the night, he could bear it no longer and snuck into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet, so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn, he crept back to his room, exhausted but happy.

He woke to feel a pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes, he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought."If that's the best the old man can do, then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window, and threw the boulder out.

As he did so, he noticed another note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to taut. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder.

As he plummeted towards the ground, he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bed post."

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 Posted: Sun Jun 4th, 2017 08:15 am
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1125th Post
lobo316
Mr Baseball


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An 80 yr old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40 mins they shagged like bastards. Arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the ground. Christ, she said, “you didnt fuck me like that 50 yrs ago!"  To which the old man replied “50 yrs ago that fence wasn't fucking electric! "

Last edited on Sun Jun 4th, 2017 08:16 am by lobo316

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