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 Posted: Fri Jun 16th, 2017 03:58 am
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1126th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


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 Posted: Sun Jun 25th, 2017 07:00 am
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1127th Post
lobo316



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Why is it so hard to break up with your Japanese girlfriend?


You have to drop the bomb on her twice before she gets the message.

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 Posted: Sun Jul 2nd, 2017 07:50 am
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lobo316



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Q: What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a pig?

A: Won't happen -- there are some things even a pig won't do.

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 Posted: Fri Aug 11th, 2017 04:17 am
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1129th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


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 Posted: Fri Aug 11th, 2017 04:18 am
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beejmi
The Big Kahuna


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 Posted: Wed Aug 16th, 2017 11:18 am
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beejmi
The Big Kahuna


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 Posted: Sun Aug 27th, 2017 07:49 am
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lobo316



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An Irishman goes into a bar in America and orders three whiskeys. The barman asks: "Would it be better for if I put all three shots in one glass?"

The Irishman replies: "No! I have two other brothers back at home, so every time I come into a pub, I order a shot for them both."

The following week, the Irishman orders just two whiskeys.

The barman asks: "Did something happen one of your brothers?" "Oh no," replies the Irishman. "I just decided to quit drinking!"

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 Posted: Wed Mar 7th, 2018 03:56 am
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1133rd Post
lobo316



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One day, a man from the Czech Republic came to visit his friend in New York.

When asked what he wanted to see, the visitor replied, "I would like to see one of the zoos in America."

To his delight, the New Yorker took him to the Bronx Zoo. They were touring the zoo, and standing in front of the gorilla cage, when one of the gorillas busted out of the cage and swallowed the Czech whole.

Shocked, his friend from New York quickly called over the zoo keeper. He quickly explained the situation and the zoo keeper immediately took steps to save the man's friend. The zoo keeper got an axe and asked the man, "OK, which gorilla did it? Was it the male or the female?" The New Yorker pointed out the female as the culprit. Quickly, the zoo keeper split the female gorilla open and found nothing of the Czech.

He looked at the man from New York, who shrugged and said, "Guess the Czech is in the male."

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 Posted: Sun Mar 25th, 2018 06:34 am
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1134th Post
lobo316



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What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year.


What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.



What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.

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 Posted: Fri Jul 20th, 2018 05:39 pm
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1135th Post
lobo316



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The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.

The Indian Chief proclaims,

"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger... In honor of the Harvest Festival, YOU will be executed in three days."

"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests. What is your FIRST request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away. Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back. As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have a very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.

Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear. As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.

The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I will still kill you tomorrow. What is your LAST request???"

The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse. Alone." The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.

Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, Looks him square in the eye and says,

"Listen Very Carefully!!!! FOR... THE... LAST... TIME... I SAID...' BRING POSSE'"

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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 10:31 pm
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1136th Post
Machiavelli



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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S8YK-2waOk

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z0ougB-s45I

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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 10:33 pm
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Machiavelli



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A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment."

The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 10:33 pm
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 10:34 pm
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Machiavelli



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THE PERFECT HUSBAND

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cellular phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $2,000; is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN:"I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$90,000." ;

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN:"Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $980,000 for it."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turns and asks, "Anyone know whose phone this is?"

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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 10:48 pm
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1140th Post
Machiavelli



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A young Arab boy asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"

The father said, "Why, it's a 'chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'babouches,' which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"Tell me," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you living in Dearborn, Michigan and still wearing all this shit?"

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