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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 11:50 pm
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Wed Sep 19th, 2018 11:58 pm
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Machiavelli



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Have you ever wondered what the difference between grannies and grandads is?

A 5 year old granddaughter is usually taken to school daily by her grandfather.

One day when he had a bad cold, his wife took the grandchild.

That night she told her parents that the ride to school with granny was very different!

"What made it different?" asked her parents.

She replied, "Gran and I didn't see a single tosser, blind bastard, dickhead, Asian prick, or wanker anywhere on the way to school today!"

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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:03 am
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:09 am
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:11 am
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:14 am
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:16 am
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Machiavelli



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Joe was backpacking through Europe. He had been on the road for two weeks and was having the time of his life.

Late one afternoon a fierce rainstorm broke out. Suddenly he was drenched, cold and miserable. He searched frantically for shelter. Up ahead he could make out lights and a building of some kind. As Joe got closer he realized it was a monastery.

Joe knocked on the door and it opened. The monks welcomed him without hesitation and offered him food and shelter for the night.

Joe had a hot bath and put on some dry clothes while his own clothes were drying. He then sat down for dinner. It was fish and chips and it was delicious!

One of the monks, Brother James, came over to his table and asked, "Is everything all right my son?"

"Yes." he replied. "Everything is wonderful! I am truly grateful for all your kindness. And this is the most delicious fish and chips I have ever had. Tell me; would it be possible for me to personally compliment the chef?"

"Certainly," said the monk and he led him to the kitchen where he met two more monks, Brother John and Brother Samuel.

"Which one of you do I have to thank for that great dinner of fish and chips?" Joe asked.

Brother John smiled. "Well," he said, "I'm the fish friar and Brother Samuel is the chip monk."

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 Posted: Thu Sep 20th, 2018 12:39 am
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Machiavelli



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To the Crazy-bat-shit-lady who picked up the free fridge (jersey) Dear Crazy-As-Bat-Shit-Lady:

I am honored that you chose my ad for a mini fridge out of all the ads you could have chosen. It makes me feel good that my mini fridge will be supplying you with the ice cold beverages you've obviously become accustomed to.

Next time you answer one of my ads, please note the following:

1. I am not Home Depot. If you travel thirty minutes to pick up a bulky 40-pound object, please come prepared with the necessary items you'll need to secure it to your vehicle. Yes, I have rope. I have a lot of rope. I have many different colors and sizes of rope. No, you can not have my rope. The ad said I was giving away a fridge, not a fridge with rope. Nor was I offering a fridge with padding so that the pleather seats on your piece of crap 89 ford pinto with no hub caps car don't get marked up.

2. What part of ' must pick up' in the ad was confusing to you? Yes, I have a vehicle. No, I don't want to haul your fridge all the way to East BumbleFuck on the coldest day of the year. No, I'm really really sure I don't want to do that. No, really. I'm sure.

3. Please call me only once with ALL your questions. I left for the day, and had 5 messages on my answering machine, the last one was at 11:30 pm. Frankly lady, you were sounding a bit too crazy by the end of the day. It's a fridge. A small metal box that keeps shit cold. I don't have the fridge's family tree. For all I know the fridge's was conceived by a slutty young Maytag that graced some hillbilly's side porch. I don't know the exact age of the fridge. I bought it a few years ago, I used it for a couple of months, ok, I lied, I used it a whole year. The fact is, you're not buying a race horse, you're buying a used fridge.

4. No, I will not throw in a couple bucks of gas money to pick it up because your anal retentive eyes picked up the ittiest, bittiest hairline scratch with a microscope so it wasnt completly described. I'm not making judgements on you, but I'm pretty damn sure Donald Trump didn't send you across the state to pick up a used fridge for Trump Towers. Though I'd wager the whole concept of the mini-fridge bar is a familar one to you.

5. Yes, you can unplug a fridge without any harm to the fridge. Believe me, the fridge is fine. The manufacturers have figured out a way to extend the life of a fridge that has been unplugged. Yes, I'm absolutely sure of that. No, you did not have to leave 2 messages about your concerns with the fridge being unplugged, and frankly it was a little embarrassing having the same conversation with you in my driveway where my neighbors could hear.

6. No, I don't have the operating instructions. I can write them down for you though: Plug fridge in. Open door. Put crap inside. Take crap out when it's cold. Eat or drink crap.

7. I am not a fridge pimp. I don't have any more fridges at that price.No i dont have one in a diffrent color to match your other appliances, No, I don't know where you can get another fridge just like this one for your friend. Yes, I know it's in great condition, and I'm sure you'd like your other crazy-as-bat-shit-mini-fridge-finding-friends to have one just like it, but this is all I have. Here's a thought, there's this online classified ads website. Yeah, you may have heard of it, it's called CRAIGSLIST. I dunno, maybe, just maybe, in this great land of ours, there's another mini-fridge being advertised there.

8. Please remove my phone number from your address book. I think our relationship is over. Oh, and if you've added me to your AIM Buddy List, please delete me. Please. I beg you.


Yours truly,

the guy that gave you the fridge

post id: 494903542

https://www.craigslist.org/about/best/snj/494903542.html

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 Posted: Fri Sep 28th, 2018 11:12 pm
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1149th Post
Machiavelli



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 Posted: Sun Sep 30th, 2018 09:20 pm
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Fri Oct 19th, 2018 07:20 pm
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Machiavelli



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 Posted: Sat Dec 1st, 2018 08:01 pm
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Machiavelli



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Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody Parody (Opinion Rhapsody)

Last edited on Sat Dec 1st, 2018 08:33 pm by Machiavelli

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