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 Posted: Sun Jan 13th, 2019 12:57 pm
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1156th Post
Machiavelli



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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RFCrJleggrI

Last edited on Sun Jan 13th, 2019 01:02 pm by Machiavelli

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 Posted: Wed Feb 6th, 2019 06:23 pm
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1157th Post
Machiavelli



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A Texas State Trooper pulled a car over on I-35 about 2 miles south of Waco Texas. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Austin Texas to do a show for the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.

The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The Trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the State Trooper's car. A drunken good old boy from central Texas got out, watched the performance, then went over to the Trooper's car, opened the rear door and got in. The Trooper observed him and went over to the State car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.

The drunk replied, “You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.”

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 Posted: Thu Feb 7th, 2019 02:20 am
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1158th Post
Heenan Fan



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B.B. King's wife was wondering what to get her husband for his birthday. "What do you get for a man who has everything", she's thinking. So Mrs. King decides to pay tribute to her legendary husband by getting a tattoo of his name to imortalize him. She has a B tatooed on each of her hiney cheecks.

When B.B. arrives home, she proudly says, "Look what I got you for your birthday, honey." She turns around, pulls down her pants, and bends over. 


B.B. says, "That's nice dear, BUT WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?!!"



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"Pro wrestlers are like comedians...all the good one's are dead!" - Heenan Fan, 2019
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 Posted: Thu Feb 7th, 2019 06:00 pm
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1159th Post
KGB

 

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Heenan Fan wrote: B.B. King's wife was wondering what to get her husband for his birthday. "What do you get for a man who has everything", she's thinking. So Mrs. King decides to pay tribute to her legendary husband by getting a tattoo of his name to imortalize him. She has a B tatooed on each of her hiney cheecks.

When B.B. arrives home, she proudly says, "Look what I got you for your birthday, honey." She turns around, pulls down her pants, and bends over. 


B.B. says, "That's nice dear, BUT WHO THE FUCK IS BOB?!!"

I heard Super Dave tell that joke on Norm McDonald's show.



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 Posted: Mon Feb 11th, 2019 09:41 pm
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1160th Post
lobo316
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inspired by the Priscilla Kelly video posted by Beej



What is 6.9 ?
A great thing ruined by a period.

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 Posted: Wed Feb 27th, 2019 05:44 pm
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Machiavelli



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A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.

The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "It's dark in here."

The man says, "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball."

Man: "That's nice."

Boy: "Want to buy it?"

Man: "No, thanks."

Boy: "My dad's outside."

Man: "OK, how much?"

Boy: "$250."

The man pays the boy and hopes he's seen the last of him.

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "It's dark in here."

Man: "Yes, it is."

Boy: "I have a baseball glove."

The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?"

Boy: "$750."

Man: "Fine."

A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."

The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"

Boy: "$1,000."

The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost."

"I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

The boy says, "It's dark in here."

The priest says, "Don't start that crap again."

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 Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2019 03:18 pm
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1162nd Post
Machiavelli



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One day Pinocchio came to Geppetto with a problem.

“Every time I have sex with my girlfriend, she gets splinters. What can I do about this?”

“Have you tried sandpaper?” Geppetto asked.

Pinocchio hadn’t, so he went to try it.

Pinocchio saw Geppetto a few weeks later.

“How did the problem work out with your girlfriend?” Geppetto asked.

Pinocchio replied. “Who needs a girlfriend?”

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 Posted: Thu Feb 28th, 2019 03:42 pm
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1163rd Post
chrob61



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What did the right eye say to the left eye?
Something smells between us.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
He had no body to go with him.

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