WowBB Forums Home 
Home Search search Menu menu Not logged in - Login | Register

 Moderated by: Ron, brodiescomics, beejmi Page:  First Page Previous Page  ...  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  ...  Next Page Last Page  
New Topic Reply Printer Friendly
Bad Jokes  Rating:  Rating
AuthorPost
 Posted: Sat Jun 28th, 2008 09:48 pm
  PM Quote Reply
106th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
THE WEDDING TEST


I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating
for over a year, and so we decided to get married.


There was only one little thing bothering me...It was her beautiful
 younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. It had to be deliberate.

One day her 'little' sister called and asked me to come over to check the
wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to
me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.
She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and
committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, 'I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me.'

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I
stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to
the front door. I opened the door and headed straight towards my car.
Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, 'We are
very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.'


The moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car.

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Mon Jun 30th, 2008 02:30 pm
  PM Quote Reply
107th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have this problem
with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are
always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've
been here in your office.
You didn't know I was farting because they don't smell and are silent.
The doctor says, "I see, take these pills and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the
hell you gave me, but now my farts...although still silent...stink terribly."
The doctor says, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work
on your hearing."

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed Jul 2nd, 2008 06:47 pm
  PM Quote Reply
108th Post
CanadianHorseman



Joined: Fri Nov 2nd, 2007
Location: Vancouver, British Columbia Canada
Posts: 14026
Status: 
Offline
After numerous rounds of  " We don't even know if Osama is still alive "
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of coded message:



           370H-SSV-0773H


Bush was baffled, so he showed it to Condoleezza Rice. Condi and her aides
had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI. No one could solve it at
the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.

Eventually they asked RCMP for help.  Within a minute RCMP emailed The
White House with this reply: Tell the President he's holding the message
upside down.



____________________
Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Jul 6th, 2008 05:37 am
  PM Quote Reply
109th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline


[size= ]


 





[size=St. Peter is at the Pearly Gates checking up on the people waiting to
enter Heaven.

He asks the next one in line, 'So, who are you, and what did you do on
Earth?"

The fellow says, "I am Barack Obama, and I was the first black to be
elected President of the United States "

St. Peter says, 'The U.S.? A black President? You gotta be kidding me!
When did this happen?"

Obama says, "About twenty minutes ago."]

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sat Jul 19th, 2008 05:33 pm
  PM Quote Reply
110th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline
After a long night of hot sex, he notices a photo
of another man on her nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 10:38 pm
  PM Quote Reply
111th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
A man walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a case of beer, any kind except Schlitz. The bartender says, "What's wrong with Schlitz, don't you like it? The man says, "I hate that shit". Last night I drank a whole case of Schlitz and blew chunks. The bartender says, "You drink a case of any beer you're going to blow chunks". You don't understand said the man ~ "Chunks is my dog".

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sun Jul 27th, 2008 10:42 pm
  PM Quote Reply
112th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says.
The bartender promptly serves up a beer.
"How much will that be?" asks the neutron.
"For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed Jul 30th, 2008 03:29 am
  PM Quote Reply
113th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone.

She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him.

"That's a beautiful name," he replied, "Is it a family name?"

"No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men."

"What's your name?" she asked.

He said, "B.J.Titsenbeer"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed Jul 30th, 2008 03:27 pm
  PM Quote Reply
114th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline
Sadly, Joe was born without ears, and though he proved to be successful in
 business, his problem annoyed him greatly.
One day he needed to hire a new manager for his company, so he set up
three interviews.
The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to know and was very
interesting. But at the end of the interview, Joe asked him, "Do you
notice anything different about me?"
"Why, yes, I couldn't help but notice that you have no ears," came the
reply. Joe did not appreciate his candor  and threw him out of the
office.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the
first guy. But he asked her the same question: "Do you notice anything
different about me?" "Well," she said stammering,"you have no ears." Joe
again got upset and threw her out in a rage.
The third and final interviewee was the best of the bunch, he was a young
man who had recently earned his MBA. He was smart.He was handsome, and
he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together.
Joe was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young Man the same
question:
"Do you notice anything different about me?" Much to his surprise, the
young man answered, "Yes, you wear contact lenses,
don't you?" Joe was shocked and realized this was an incredibly
observant person.

"How in the world did you know that?", he asked.
The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied,
"Well, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with no fucking ears!"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Jul 31st, 2008 12:20 am
  PM Quote Reply
115th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
Jason walks into a restroom in an airport and goes up to a urinal. A man with no arms comes up to him and says "Hey, can you give me a hand?". Though he feels uncomfortable, he agrees to help. He unzips the man's pants, takes a deep breath, and reaches in and takes out his penis, which he is horrified to discover is all green and moldy. Imagining the bonus he will get come judgment day, he continues to hold the man's moldy unit as he urinates, gives it a shake, and zips it back up in his pants.

"Hey, thanks a lot man." The man says

"No problem. But there is one thing I have to know, what is wrong with your Johnson?"

Then the man pulls his arms out into his sleeves and says "I don't know, but I'm sure as hell ain't gonna touch it!"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Tue Aug 5th, 2008 05:58 pm
  PM Quote Reply
116th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline

Two friends were in a bar drinking a beer when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one.

"I sure do," he replied and reached into his pocket and pulled out a 10 inch Bic lighter.

"Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster."
"I got it from my genie."
"You have a genie?" he asked.
"Yes, he's right here in my pocket."
"Could I see him?"

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a very small genie.The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?"

"Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into his master's pocket and leaves the man standing there waiting for his million bucks.

About this time, a duck walks into the bar followed by another. Then more ducks come pouring in. Before long the entire bar has ducks everywhere. The friend tells his buddy, "What is going on here, I asked for a million bucks not ducks!"

He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 10 inch Bic?"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Thu Aug 7th, 2008 12:44 am
  PM Quote Reply
117th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
An old guy is walking on the beach, when he sees a girls with huge breasts sunbathing. He stares for a while, then goes over and asks if he can feel her breasts.
"Get away from me, you pervert!" she yells.
"Look, if you let me feel your breasts, I'll give you 20 bucks"
"No fucking way - go away before I call the cops!"
"Ok, a hundred bucks!" He offers.
"Just fuck off you pervert!"
"Ok, Ok, five hundred dollars!" he suggests.
She thinks a minute:

Five hundred is a lot of money, Jimmy Choos aren't cheap...
He seems harmless enough...
No one around...

"Ok, but just for one minute then." she agrees.
She slips of her bikini top, and his hands slide under and around the sweet globes.
His thumbs tickle her nipples, and he gasps, and starts to moan "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
His palms slide over her warm flesh, and he is moaning faster, and faster "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!"
"Are you ok?" she asks, concerned he might die on her.
He continues to explore her body, moaning "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God! Where am I going to get five hundred dollars?"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Sun Aug 10th, 2008 04:27 pm
  PM Quote Reply
118th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline
One day Billy Bob goes to town wearing nothing but his gun belt and boots.

The sheriff spots him and asks, "What the hell are you doing walking around town dressed like that?"

B.B. replies, "Well sheriff, it's a long story. Me and Mary Lou was down on the farm and we started a-cuddlin'. Mary Lou said we should go in the barn and we did. Inside the barn we started a-kissin' and a-cuddlin' and things got pretty hot and heavy. Well, Mary Lou said we should go up on the hill.  So we did. Up on the hill we started a-kissin' and a-cuddlin' and then, all of a sudden, Mary Lou up and took off all her clothes and said I should take off mine, too.   So I took off all my clothes, 'cept for my gun belt and my boots. Mary Lou lay on the ground and opened her legs and then, for some strange reason she said, "Billy Bob, go to town!"

 

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

 Posted: Wed Aug 27th, 2008 03:48 pm
  PM Quote Reply
119th Post
beejmi
The Big Kahuna


Joined: Sat Oct 13th, 2007
Location: Philly
Posts: 41534
Status: 
Offline
Three Texans In A Bar

A Texas Tech graduate, a University of Texas grad and a Texas Aggie were sitting in a bar in San Antonio. The view of the river was fantastic, the beer was ice cold and the food exceptional.

"But," said the guy from Tech, "I still prefer the beer joints back in Lubbock. There's one place where the owner goes out of his way for the locals! When you buy 4 beers, he will buy the 5th."

The Longhorn said "Well, at my local bar in Austin, the owner will buy your 3rd drink after you've bought 2."

"Hell, that's nothin'," the Aggie responded. "Back in College Station there's this bar where the moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink and keep them coming all night. Then when you've had enough to drink, they take you upstairs and see that you get laid. And it's all on the house."


The Red Raider and the Longhorn immediately doubted the Aggie's claims. "And this actually happened to you?" asked the Tech grad.


"No, not myself personally," admitted the Aggie. "But it did happen to my sister."


Back To Top PM Quote Reply

 Posted: Wed Aug 27th, 2008 10:06 pm
  PM Quote Reply
120th Post
lobo316



Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: Raptorville
Posts: 43457
Status: 
Offline
A woman was standing at a bus stop  next to a man in a trench coat. She asked
him for the time. He pulled out his dick,  looked at it, and said "ten thirty".
She was startled but said it must be at least noon.
He then took out his dick again & began to vigorously beat it saying
"you're right lady, I forgot to wind it"

Back To Top PM Quote Reply  

Current time is 09:18 pm Page:  First Page Previous Page  ...  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  ...  Next Page Last Page    
WowBB Forums > Sports And Wrestling > General Discussion > Bad Jokes Top




UltraBB 1.172 Copyright © 2007-2013 Data 1 Systems