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 Moderated by: Ron, brodiescomics, beejmi
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Emergency Broadcast texts  Rate Topic 
 Posted: Thu Oct 4th, 2018 12:00 pm
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Joined: Wed Jul 4th, 2012
Posts: 1731
Everyone get one yesterday?  I saw these parody Trump EBS texts yesterday and thought they were pretty funny.  These are actually from a pro-Trump website, but they're fairly spot on:
TROPICAL STORM ALERT: Tropical Storm Candace threatens Alabama.
Storm looks totally disgusting, no class at all!

TRAVELER WARNING ISSUED FOR TURKEY: Chatter from terrorist groups suggests plot to kidnap Americans.
I know some Turks. Great friends of mine. They always tell me, "You're so smart, your hair is so golden and lustrous, everyone says it." Terrific people.
Not so great at hand-washing, though. THIS MUST CHANGE!

TROPICAL STORM CANDACE CHANGES PATH, NOW THREATENS SOUTH CAROLINA: This one, folks. What can I tell you? She's what I call a "real beaut."
Like this Christine Ford woman. Keeps changing her story. I'm going to Alabama, I'm going to South Carolina, I don't know where I'm going, I had one beer. I'm a doctor, now I'm a baby. I'm afraid to fly, oh wait, now I'm building my own jet-pack.
If this storm wants to hit someone, it should come at me. I can take it.

AMBER ALERT: A seven-year-old girl, Heather Swinton, is missing in Kansas.
Guy rubs me the wrong way. Maybe rubs kids the wrong way, if you know what I mean.

DOW JONES PLUNGES. Just kidding, folks. The Dow Jones is huge. Huge. People are telling me, Donald, I've never seen the stock market so high, it's incredible, I can't believe it, unemployment is at record lows, you're the greatest thing for black employment since slavery.

PRESIDENTIAL CLARIFICATION ALERT: My drip of a son-in-law is bitching at me that I shouldn't have said that thing about slavery.
Come on, these are jokes. Where are my blacks? They know what I mean. Kanye and me, we're cool. You see his wife? Phew. Ass like a dump-truck carrying eight tons of fuck.
I'm getting off-track. I do that, I do that sometimes.
Dat ass doh.
But seriously, the black employment rate has never been higher. People tell me, they say Donald, this is incredible, black and hispanic unemployment is at record lows, it's unbelievable, we all doubted you, we all said you couldn't do it, you have incredible skin, you went to Wharton.
Jim Acosta's a fag!

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 Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2018 01:29 pm
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Joined: Mon Jun 6th, 2011
Posts: 2230
It was a tremendous text alert. The greatest one ever.

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 Posted: Fri Oct 5th, 2018 02:27 pm
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'18-'19 POTY, 1st Ballot HOFer

Joined: Thu Jan 31st, 2008
Location: Spread Eagle, Wisconsin USA
Posts: 6469
This was my favorite

Attachment: 43121722_2097738447153555_3050329891523264512_n.jpg (Downloaded 20 times)

"Jack Brisco grabbed my testicles once but I told him "Brisco, you have exactly 15 minutes to get your hands off my balls"." -WongLee 7/22/2017
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