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| Bad Jokes | Rating: 
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15th, 2008 07:45 pm |
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61st Post |
Benlen
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Tony leans over and asks Terry, do you remember the first time we had sex together over 10 years ago? We went behind this very tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you.''Yes', she says, 'I remember it well.' 'OK,' he says, 'How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?' 'Oh Tony, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!' a cop sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them. The couple.Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence.. Tery lifts her skirt and Tony drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, Tony moves in. Then suddenly t hey erupt into the most furious sex that the The cop has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground. The cop is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know. After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, Tony and Terry struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The cop is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing .. I've got to ask them what their secret is. So, Terry and Tony passes, he says to them,' Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?' Shaking, Tony is barely able to reply, '10 years ago that wasn't an electric fence.'
____________________ Only thing harder than achieving excellence is maintaining it. Dream Well. It may come true. |
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| Posted: Sat Mar 15th, 2008 08:55 pm |
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62nd Post |
Kid_Naitch
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Okay, I'm finally going to add to this thread: Q: What's the difference between a vaccuum cleaner and a guy on a Harley Davidson motorcycle? A: The dirtbag's in a different place.
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| Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 07:44 pm |
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63rd Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer 
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Easter is the day Jesus comes out of his tomb and if he sees his shadow it means 6 more weeks of winter.
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 17th, 2008 07:47 pm |
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64th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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Three hookers of varying ages were standing around, discussing their profession. The middle aged one said: "So, how's business?" "Awful!" replied the young one. "All anybody wants is blow jobs!" "What's wrong with that?" asked the mid-lifer. "It's easy work, a quick turn over, and you can make more money that way." "That's just the problem," exclaimed the young lady, "I can't get more than $20.00 for a blow job! How can I make any money that way?" "Oh," she replied, shrugging, "that's nothing. When I started working, we only got $10.00 for a blow job!" At this point the old hooker chimed in. "You kids have it so easy! Why, back in my day, we had to give blow jobs for free! And we were glad to get something warm in our bellies, too!"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 18th, 2008 04:46 am |
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65th Post |
Benlen
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A woman was in a coma. Nurses were in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them was washing her private area and noticed that there was a response on the monitor when she touched her. They went to her husband and explained what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of the coma." The husband was sceptical, but they assured him that they'd close the curtains for privacy. The hubby finally agreed and went into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat lined, no pulse, no heart rate. The nurses ran into the room. The husband was standing there, pulling up his pants, and said, "I think she choked."
____________________ Only thing harder than achieving excellence is maintaining it. Dream Well. It may come true. |
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| Posted: Tue Mar 18th, 2008 09:05 pm |
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66th Post |
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beejmi The Big Kahuna 
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Just in time for Easter What did the Easter Egg say to the pot of boiling water? I might take awhile to get hard, I just got laid last night
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| Posted: Tue Mar 18th, 2008 09:08 pm |
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67th Post |
BigJ
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I'm assuming "bad" can mean utterly fucking stupid, so here goes. Courtesy of my wife: What are the two sexiest animals on the farm? Brown chicken, Brown cow. You're supposed to say the punchline sing-songy and fast so it sounds like porno music.   
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| Posted: Thu Mar 20th, 2008 05:23 pm |
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68th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar, drinking (as you do), and discussing how stupid their wives were. The Englishman says, "I tell you, my wife is so stupid. Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge to keep it in." The Scotsman agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife is thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17,000 on a new car," he laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!" The Irishman nods sagely, and agrees that these two woman sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit by every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "Ah, it kills me every toime oi tink of it," he chuckles. "Moy woife just left to go on a holiday in Greece. Oy watched her packing her bag, and she must have put about 100 condoms in there...And she doesn't even have a penis!"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Sat Mar 22nd, 2008 12:01 am |
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69th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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Superman was feeling bored after a long break of crime fighting and wanted to go out and party, so he called Batman to ask if he wanted to go to a club and pick up some girls. Batman said Robin was ill and he had to look after him. A little disappointed, Superman called Spiderman to see if he fancied a few beers. Spiderman told him he had a date with Catwoman. As a last resort Superman flew over to Wonderwoman's apartment to see if she was free. As he landed on her balcony, he saw Wonderwoman naked on the bed with her legs open. Superman thought to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could be in there, have sex and out again before she knew what was happening" So Superman did his super thing in a split second and flies off happily. Meanwhile on the bed, Wonderwoman said "Did you hear anything?" "No!" said the Invisible Man, "but my ass hurts like hell!"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 24th, 2008 06:34 pm |
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70th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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So this guy named Bo goes over to his friend's house. He rings the bell and the wife answers the door. "Hi Nora, is Tony home?" Bo asked. "No," she replied. He'll be back soon. "Well, you mind if I wait?" he asked. "Not at all," she said. "Come on in." They sit down and Bo says, "You know Nora, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one." Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell. It's a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. Bo promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table. They sit there a while longer and Bo says, "Those really are so beautiful. I've got to see the both of them at the same time. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together." Nora thinks about this and says figures what the hell. It's another hundred bucks. She opens her robe and gives Bo a nice long look. He thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know your weird friend Bo came over." Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 03:20 pm |
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71st Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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Two friends were playing golf when one pulled out a cigar but he didn't have a lighter so he asked his friend if he had one. "I sure do," he replied and reached into his golf bag and pulled out a 12 inch bic lighter. "Wow!" said his friend, "where did you get that monster." "I got it from my genie." "You have a genie," he asked? "Yes, he's right here in my golf bag." "Could I see him?" He opens his golf bag and out pops the genie. The friend says, "I'm a good friend of your master. Will you grant me one wish?" "Yes I will," the genie said so he asks him for a million bucks and the genie hops back into the golf bag and leaves him standing there waiting for his million bucks. Suddenly the sky begins to darken and the sound of a million ducks flying overhead his head. The friend tells his golfing partner, "I asked for a million bucks not ducks!" He answers, "I forgot to tell you the genie is hard of hearing. Do you really think I asked him for a 12 inch bic?"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Wed Mar 26th, 2008 03:28 pm |
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72nd Post |
lobo316
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Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, when suddenly a guy runs through the room - wearing nothing but a bag over his head - and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband," she says. He passes by the second woman, who also looks down at his penis. "He's not my husband, either," she says, also not recognizing the unit. He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her. "Wait a minute," she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"
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| Posted: Sat Mar 29th, 2008 03:28 am |
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73rd Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground. He finally gets himself to the doctor. He says, "How bad is it doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiance is still a virgin in every way." The doc said , "I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week." So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4-sided bandage and wired it all together. It was an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girlfriend. They marry and on their honeymoon night in the motel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he ever saw them. She says, "You are the first, no one has ever touched these breasts." He pulls down his pants, whips it out and says, "And look at this, it's still in the CRATE !"
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Mon Mar 31st, 2008 08:55 pm |
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74th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning-drop-dead gorgeous young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she'll see him later, and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who was that??!!" "Oh," replies the husband, "that was my mistress." The wife says, "That's it; I want a divorce." "I understand," replies her husband, "but, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Lexus in the garage, and no more country club. But the decision is yours." Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a very beautiful woman. "Who's that woman with Jim?" she asks. "That's his mistress," replies her husband. "Ours is prettier," says the wife.
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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| Posted: Wed Apr 2nd, 2008 04:50 pm |
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75th Post |
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bpickering Hall Of Famer
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general store hires a young female clerk with a penchant for very short skirts... One day a young man enters the store, glances at the clerk and glances at the loaves of bread behind the counter. "I'd like some raisin bread, please," the man says politely. The clerk nods and climbs up a ladder to reach the raisin bread, which, of course, happens to be located on the very top shelf. The man, standing almost directly beneath her, is provided with an excellent view. As the clerk retrieves the bread, a small group of male customers gather around the young man, looking in the same direction. Right away, another guy asks for raisin bread and, then, each guy in turn is asking for raisin bread, just to see the clerk climb up and down. After more than a few trips, the clerk is tired and irritated. She stops and fumes at the top of the ladder, glaring down at the men standing below. She notices an elderly man standing amongst the crowd. "Is yours raisin too?" the clerk yells testily. "No," croaks the old man feebly, "But it's startin' to twitch."
____________________ "22 years of my fucking life just got fucking ruined!!!!"---Fan outside Wrestlemania XXX PRO WRESTLING HALL OF FAME: http://www.angelfire.com/pa5/old (updated September 2 2018) RIP UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 1776-2016 |
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