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CanadianHorseman



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from thespec.com:







Consider this: you attend the wedding of a casual acquaintance. You opt for your go-to gift — a basket filled with fancy salsas, oil, biscuits, marshmallow spread and more. You sign the card, "Life is delicious — enjoy!"

Later, you get a text from the bride — "I want to thank you for coming to the wedding Friday," it begins.

"I'm not sure if it's the first wedding you have been to, but for your next wedding … people give envelopes. I lost out on $200 covering you and your dates plate . … and got fluffy whip and sour patch kids in return. Just a heads-up for the future."

It sounds like a Miss Manners hypothetical, but this was the drama that played out at a recent Hamilton wedding.

Kathy Mason and her boyfriend gifted a food basket to Laura (who declined to give her last name) and her bride. When Laura suggested Mason poll "normal functioning people" about her basket-giving blunder, Mason brought the question to The Spectator and the Burlington Mamas Facebook group, where it garnered more than 200 responses in less than 24 hours. Even those who agreed cash was a more appropriate gift thought the bride's reaction was rude.

"We just appreciate the support;" Mason says, "the confirmation that what we did was thoughtful and not out of place."

Mason says she was second-guessing herself in the wake of the bride's texts, which started out by simply asking for the receipt (one of the brides was gluten-intolerant).

Louise Fox, an etiquette coach who has appeared on shows including Slice TV's Rich Bride, Poor Bride, says even requesting the receipt was out of line. She says the couple should have offered the basket to family, friends or a food bank, then written a thank-you note that focused on the thought behind the act of gift-giving.

Here's a taste of the email exchange:

Gift-givers: "… to ask for a receipt is unfathomable. In fact it was incredibly disrespectful. It was the rudest gesture I have encountered, or even heard of."

Newlyweds: "Weddings are to make money for your future … not to pay for peoples meals. Do more research. People haven't gave gifts since like 50 years ago! You ate steak, chicken, booze, and a beautiful venue."

Gift-givers: "It's obvious you have the etiquette of a twig, I couldn't care less of what you think about the gift you received, "normal" people would welcome anything given, you wanna have a party, you pay for it, DON'T expect me to."

Newlyweds: "You should have been cut from the list … I knew we were gunna get a bag of peanuts. I was right."

Fox, the etiquette coach, says the newlyweds' reaction is at the top of her list as far as rude behaviour goes. "It's hard to top that. The wedding is never supposed to be about the gifts. It's a celebration of the union."

"You should be grateful that you got a gift and that's the end of it. You want to preserve the feelings of the giver."

Laura disagrees. She chalks it up to cultural differences. She's Italian and her bride is Croatian. They've never been to a wedding where guests didn't give cash.

She says it cost $34,000 to host 210 guests at a local wedding hall. Mason was one of only two guests who didn't gift at least $150 cash (the other gave a present in addition to cash).

"I don't know what day or century they're living in … it must have been a regifted gift," Laura says. "I just spent $200 for you and your guest to come and you guys must have given me $40 back."

She says Mason's gift was the laughingstock of the wedding. At a post-wedding pool party the next day, friends and family stopped by the living room to get a look at the basket that's still on display in their home.

Principal_Raditch



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Lol, what a whiny cunt. If she was worried about making $$$, she should have fucked some of the guests

katook



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or at least given them blowjobs

CanadianHorseman



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katook wrote:
or at least given them blowjobs

( SIGH ) If you had bothered to read the story you would see just how unlikely this would be.

HBF



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I think they should pull a Michael Scott/Dwight Schrute Reclamation of the Gift Basket: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bEZU_FiVsW8

Portalesman
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Im not decided on the "cash" gift rule. Ive always been of the opinion that its a lazy gift. It says I don't know you well enough or care enough to spend my time shopping and putting time into giving you something. On the other hand, cash allows people to use the money for something THEY want as opposed to what you THINK they want or what YOU want them to have.

I don't think the gift box was rude or thoughtless. I think the dyke bride was a rude cunt who I'd cut from the friends list. Myself personally, Id rather have the cash but that's just me.

I recently went to a wedding (I was a Groomsman) and as a wedding gift, I forgave a debt the Groom has owed me for a year. It was a sizeable amount that I'd likely never get back anyway. I also smoked 8 Briskets for the reception. If I had given nothing, this couple wouldn't have said a word about it.

bart

 

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What a complete couple of twats the bridezillas were. Yeah, the gift might have sucked, but you don't throw a wedding simply to get money. You have a huge event like that to celebrate with your friends and family, and when you do that, you understand, some of them might not have the social skills or have the money to contribute a big gift. You know who those people are, you invite them anyway, and chalk it up to them being them.

srossi
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I got virtually no cash for my wedding.  Almost everyone picked something off the registry, a few annoying cunts just randomly picked a gift not on the registry and those gifts sucked and were returned.  But to say "people give envelopes" and if you don't know that you've never been to a wedding before is ludicrous.  Tons of people don't give envelopes.  And if you are going to bring up the price per plate, that's very ghetto and a simple solution would be to simply not invite people you aren't very close with because they actually might show up.  Maybe that was the biggest faux pas here is that these people were expected to politely decline (and then they could get away with mailing a crappy gift) but didn't take the hint and went to a wedding they weren't really welome at.  The gift wasn't the best but they were only acquaintances, but the note was sweet and should've been appreciated.  Clearly the bride's text was more out of line than the gift and she's not going to get any sympathy for it.  That's the sort of thing you complain about in private with your cunt girlfriends so everyone has someone to judge, you don't confront the person with it and encourage them to viral.  Now she's the one who looks like an ass.  Nice way to start married life.

lobo316
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that money grubbin'..................

bart

 

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srossi wrote: I got virtually no cash for my wedding.  Almost everyone picked something off the registry, a few annoying cunts just randomly picked a gift not on the registry and those gifts sucked and were returned.  But to say "people give envelopes" and if you don't know that you've never been to a wedding before is ludicrous.  Tons of people don't give envelopes.  And if you are going to bring up the price per plate, that's very ghetto and a simple solution would be to simply not invite people you aren't very close with because they actually might show up.  Maybe that was the biggest faux pas here is that these people were expected to politely decline (and then they could get away with mailing a crappy gift) but didn't take the hint and went to a wedding they weren't really welome at.  The gift wasn't the best but they were only acquaintances, but the note was sweet and should've been appreciated.  Clearly the bride's text was more out of line than the gift and she's not going to get any sympathy for it.  That's the sort of thing you complain about in private with your cunt girlfriends so everyone has someone to judge, you don't confront the person with it and encourage them to viral.  Now she's the one who looks like an ass.  Nice way to start married life.

Wait, Rossi is Italian, right? And you didn't end up with a shitload of envelopes? Weird. Anyway, did you tell those folks who gave crappy gifts how they were unsocialized animals? Of course not, you thanked them and laughed at the shit in private.

And really, if you have to complain about your gift and brag about how much you spent, you are a classless piece of shit who doesn't know how to act in social situations.

srossi
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bart wrote: srossi wrote: I got virtually no cash for my wedding.  Almost everyone picked something off the registry, a few annoying cunts just randomly picked a gift not on the registry and those gifts sucked and were returned.  But to say "people give envelopes" and if you don't know that you've never been to a wedding before is ludicrous.  Tons of people don't give envelopes.  And if you are going to bring up the price per plate, that's very ghetto and a simple solution would be to simply not invite people you aren't very close with because they actually might show up.  Maybe that was the biggest faux pas here is that these people were expected to politely decline (and then they could get away with mailing a crappy gift) but didn't take the hint and went to a wedding they weren't really welome at.  The gift wasn't the best but they were only acquaintances, but the note was sweet and should've been appreciated.  Clearly the bride's text was more out of line than the gift and she's not going to get any sympathy for it.  That's the sort of thing you complain about in private with your cunt girlfriends so everyone has someone to judge, you don't confront the person with it and encourage them to viral.  Now she's the one who looks like an ass.  Nice way to start married life.

Wait, Rossi is Italian, right? And you didn't end up with a shitload of envelopes? Weird. Anyway, did you tell those folks who gave crappy gifts how they were unsocialized animals? Of course not, you thanked them and laughed at the shit in private.

And really, if you have to complain about your gift and brag about how much you spent, you are a classless piece of shit who doesn't know how to act in social situations.

Only Italian on my father's side and don't have much family left, and those that are around are too old to travel.  So the only Italian there was probably my father.  My grandparents did mail a fat check, but they didn't attend.  A few friends of Italian decent but everyone I know is more American than anything else, it's not the equivalent of my Big Fat Greek Wedding or anything.  I can't think of any gift that we actually complained about even privately, at least not as far as being wildly inappropriate or cheap, we just were a bit annoyed that not everyone bothered to ask where we were registered and bought something we didn't need.  And my wife refused to allow me to tell people where we were registered, apparently you have to wait to be asked, which I think is bullshit.

Last edited on Fri Jun 21st, 2013 03:46 pm by srossi

thunderbolt
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At least noone got clipped.  No wonder nobody from the IWC was given specifics.

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bart wrote: srossi wrote: I got virtually no cash for my wedding.  Almost everyone picked something off the registry, a few annoying cunts just randomly picked a gift not on the registry and those gifts sucked and were returned.  But to say "people give envelopes" and if you don't know that you've never been to a wedding before is ludicrous.  Tons of people don't give envelopes.  And if you are going to bring up the price per plate, that's very ghetto and a simple solution would be to simply not invite people you aren't very close with because they actually might show up.  Maybe that was the biggest faux pas here is that these people were expected to politely decline (and then they could get away with mailing a crappy gift) but didn't take the hint and went to a wedding they weren't really welome at.  The gift wasn't the best but they were only acquaintances, but the note was sweet and should've been appreciated.  Clearly the bride's text was more out of line than the gift and she's not going to get any sympathy for it.  That's the sort of thing you complain about in private with your cunt girlfriends so everyone has someone to judge, you don't confront the person with it and encourage them to viral.  Now she's the one who looks like an ass.  Nice way to start married life.

Wait, Rossi is Italian, right? And you didn't end up with a shitload of envelopes? Weird. Anyway, did you tell those folks who gave crappy gifts how they were unsocialized animals? Of course not, you thanked them and laughed at the shit in private.

And really, if you have to complain about your gift and brag about how much you spent, you are a classless piece of shit who doesn't know how to act in social situations.




Ports, I disagree with you on the cash as a gift rule. Weddings are expensive and it's pretty much an unwritten rule that in order to offset expenses, cash is king. Seriously, if I dropped 20k on a wedding, I really don't want to see a Jack Lalalne juicer or a toaster.

I had a Big Fat Greek Wedding ten years ago this coming August. There's many similarities with Greeks and Italians. Besides the ethnic group that will be left unmentioned, I can't think of bigger show offs than Greeks and Italians. They're the type that will leave a generous cash gift and then tell 50 people about it. Also, at Greek weddings, there's a tradition of throwing dollar bills on the dance floor. When one Greek sees another Greek throw out a wod, they do their darndest to outdo them. Needless to say, I actually came out ahead.

bart, I do agree that one doesn't throw a wedding to make money. I invited some hillbillies, homies, and one Hebrew with the expectation of not receiving anything because I truly wanted them to be there for my special day. I was wrong about the homies and hillbillies. Sorry Ports.

Last edited on Fri Jun 21st, 2013 05:27 pm by

yellowdog



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BlueThunder wrote: bart wrote: srossi wrote: I got virtually no cash for my wedding.  Almost everyone picked something off the registry, a few annoying cunts just randomly picked a gift not on the registry and those gifts sucked and were returned.  But to say "people give envelopes" and if you don't know that you've never been to a wedding before is ludicrous.  Tons of people don't give envelopes.  And if you are going to bring up the price per plate, that's very ghetto and a simple solution would be to simply not invite people you aren't very close with because they actually might show up.  Maybe that was the biggest faux pas here is that these people were expected to politely decline (and then they could get away with mailing a crappy gift) but didn't take the hint and went to a wedding they weren't really welome at.  The gift wasn't the best but they were only acquaintances, but the note was sweet and should've been appreciated.  Clearly the bride's text was more out of line than the gift and she's not going to get any sympathy for it.  That's the sort of thing you complain about in private with your cunt girlfriends so everyone has someone to judge, you don't confront the person with it and encourage them to viral.  Now she's the one who looks like an ass.  Nice way to start married life.

Wait, Rossi is Italian, right? And you didn't end up with a shitload of envelopes? Weird. Anyway, did you tell those folks who gave crappy gifts how they were unsocialized animals? Of course not, you thanked them and laughed at the shit in private.

And really, if you have to complain about your gift and brag about how much you spent, you are a classless piece of shit who doesn't know how to act in social situations.




Ports, I disagree with you on the cash as a gift rule. Weddings are expensive and it's pretty much an unwritten rule that in order to offset expenses, cash is king. Seriously, if I dropped 20k on a wedding, I really don't want to see a Jack Lalalne juicer or a toaster.

I had a Big Fat Greek Wedding ten years ago this coming August. There's many similarities with Greeks and Italians. Besides the ethnic group that will be left unmentioned, I can't think of bigger show offs than Greeks and Italians. They're the type that will leave a generous cash gift and then tell 50 people about it. Also, at Greek weddings, there's a tradition of throwing dollar bills on the dance floor. When one Greek sees another Greek throw out a wod, they do their darndest to outdo them. Needless to say, I actually came out ahead.

bart, I do agree that one doesn't throw a wedding to make money. I invited some hillbillies, homies, and one Hebrew with the expectation of not receiving anything because I truly wanted them to be there for my special day. I was wrong about the homies and hillbillies. Sorry Ports.

I agree with Ports here.  If you really follow tradition the Father of the Bride pays for the wedding.  It's a celebration of a union and life of two people.  If there's a registry I ALWAYS get something from there.  You know, something they asked for so it's actually helpful.  People won't remember the cash you gave them unless it "wasn't enough"  AND when you get a gift that sucks, you just keep your mouth shut and send a thank you.  But I think we're dealing with another generational difference here.   

yellowdog



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I did absolutely nothing to make this a double post yet...

Last edited on Sat Jun 22nd, 2013 06:09 pm by yellowdog

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I'm 3/4 Italian and haven't seen a gift at a wedding for 25 years or better. Cash is king at the Italian weddings I've been to.

Gifts are given at the bridal showers for the Italian wedding even if the bride to be is not Italian. My wife says she never sees envelopes at the bridal showers, only gifts.

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lobo316 wrote:
that money grubbin'..................




Where is Stingy when you need him.

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katook wrote:
or at least given them blowjobs




Or at the very fucking least a handjob.

clawmaster
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The Hammer wrote: lobo316 wrote:
that money grubbin'..................




Where is Stingy when you need him.

He's on Facebook.

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Not familiar with the envelope crap. I've never been to awedding without gifts. Cash and envelopes are pinned on the bride during the money dance, but people still bring plenty of gifts.

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The wedding I recently attended had zero gifts and zero cash. I was surprised there was no cash tree, bride dancing dollars but its both of their 3rd wedding also so perhaps everybody is tired if financing their shit.

Fuckem.

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Cash is king. I don't think I've ever been to a wedding where gifts were given

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Must be cultural. My wedding was almost all gifts, and little to no cash. Actually I think the only one who gave us money was my mother. Everyone else pretty much bought something from the few places we were registered.

However, we didn't go overboard on the thing like my youngest sister did last year (500+ guests). I think we had @ 75 people since my family is pretty small and most of my friends from HS/College weren't going to haul ass to Kansas City from all over Canada.

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Principal_Raditch wrote:
Must be cultural. My wedding was almost all gifts, and little to no cash. Actually I think the only one who gave us money was my mother. Everyone else pretty much bought something from the few places we were registered.

However, we didn't go overboard on the thing like my youngest sister did last year (500+ guests). I think we had @ 75 people since my family is pretty small and most of my friends from HS/College weren't going to haul ass to Kansas City from all over Canada.


I presume you didn't have a bridal shower. So in that case gifts are fine. Otherwise money should be given IMO.

The only time I saw gifts at a wedding was when they didn't have a bridal shower.

Obviously nobody gets married to make money, but I would hope you could be about even when it's over.

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BruiserBrodyMania wrote:
Principal_Raditch wrote:
Must be cultural. My wedding was almost all gifts, and little to no cash. Actually I think the only one who gave us money was my mother. Everyone else pretty much bought something from the few places we were registered.

However, we didn't go overboard on the thing like my youngest sister did last year (500+ guests). I think we had @ 75 people since my family is pretty small and most of my friends from HS/College weren't going to haul ass to Kansas City from all over Canada.


I presume you didn't have a bridal shower. So in that case gifts are fine. Otherwise money should be given IMO.

The only time I saw gifts at a wedding was when they didn't have a bridal shower.

Obviously nobody gets married to make money, but I would hope you could be about even when it's over.


It's cultural. I've NEVER been to a wedding with no gifts. Shower or not. I'd never even heard of the "cash, not gifts" thing until this thread.

Last edited on Tue Jun 25th, 2013 05:30 pm by BayouBoogie

srossi
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BayouBoogie wrote: BruiserBrodyMania wrote:
Principal_Raditch wrote:
Must be cultural. My wedding was almost all gifts, and little to no cash. Actually I think the only one who gave us money was my mother. Everyone else pretty much bought something from the few places we were registered.

However, we didn't go overboard on the thing like my youngest sister did last year (500+ guests). I think we had @ 75 people since my family is pretty small and most of my friends from HS/College weren't going to haul ass to Kansas City from all over Canada.


I presume you didn't have a bridal shower. So in that case gifts are fine. Otherwise money should be given IMO.

The only time I saw gifts at a wedding was when they didn't have a bridal shower.

Obviously nobody gets married to make money, but I would hope you could be about even when it's over.


It's cultural. I've NEVER been to a wedding with no gifts. Shower or not. I'd never even heard of the "cash, not gifts" thing until this thread.

Same here.  I have no idea what types of weddings you guys are going to where no one registers and everyone just brings cash.  Sounds nice though.

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None of the wedding's I've ever been to did this cash thing.

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I've never been to a wedding with a gift registry, it's always been shove cash in an envelope. Used to be 50 bucks a person, but as time has gone on, I put in 100 bucks per person now, and more depending on how close I am to the person getting married.

Someone in my sister-in-law's family called me a "cheap prick" because I didn't give an envelope with money in it at their wedding. Thankfully sister-in-law set them straight and told them that the entire booze tab for the wedding (over $1,600) was covered by my brother who wasn't getting married and myself. I then proceeded to cut that fuckface in the drink line and got served first once the bar opened. :)



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