View single post by srossi
 Posted: Sat Jul 11th, 2020 06:37 pm
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Joined: Sun Oct 14th, 2007
Location: New York USA
Posts: 56774
Found this on a list of best semi-dirty dad jokes to tell your kids. I like #4 and #9 the best.

1. I farted at work the other day… and my coworker started trying to open the window. It must have been a really bad one — we work on a submarine.

2. Why did the ketchup blush?

Because he saw the salad dressing.

3. Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?

It got stuck in the crack.

4. An old married couple are in church one Sunday… when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The husband turned to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

5. A wife sent her husband a romantic text message… She wrote: “If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you.” Her husband texted back: “I’m on the toilet, please advise.”

6. What happened to the fly on the toilet seat?

It got peed-off.

7. What comes out of your nose at 150 mph?


8. There was an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Bear:

The Englishman said, “I like English ladies best.”

The Irishman said, “I like Irish ladies best.”

And the bear said, “I like bear ladies best.”

9. If you’re American in the living room what are you in the bathroom?


10. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

“How do you breathe through that thing?”

11. Why did the baker have smelly hands?

Because he kneaded a poo!

12. I was at a sophisticated dinner party the other day… when I farted loudly. One of the guests was appalled and said indignantly, “How dare you fart in front of my wife!” I said, “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it was her turn next.”

13. What’s brown and sticky?

A stick.

14. This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off… After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I’m afraid to pee.

15. A pirate walks into the doctor’s office:

Pirate: Doc, you got to help, me ship’s steering wheel got stuck to me crotch.

Doctor: So, what’s the problem?

Pirate: Doc… it’s driving me nuts!

16. Why did the cop sit on the toilet?

To do his duty.

17. Two fish swim into a wall… One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”

Last edited on Sat Jul 11th, 2020 06:38 pm by srossi

This thread was great before AA ruined it.